10 things I hate about commandments

Mark sent me this movie mash-up. Apart from the swearing - which I can not condone, obviously - it is very amusing.

pen and paper

I had a pen and paper day yesterday and really enjoyed it. No facebook, no blog, no microsoft word. I wrote with my lovely Waterman ink pen on nasty lined paper in a lecture. I scribbled a note to a friend on some bright red card and wrote 'Out of Order!' on the ladies loo in my study block with a pencil on a scrap of old paper I had retrieved from the recycle bin. Later I signed a cheque, filled in a form, underlined some stuff (with a pencil) in my Spirituality book and did some doodles in the margin.

Today I have logged back in to the virtual world and notice that while I was gone Dave Walker was short on drawings, Jonny Baker was worried about Facebook, John Davies is Bats about Batley, Phily J has a Lovely Pair of Hits, Paul Roberts was making Bara Brith and Tracey Wheeler published her diary!.

I am going to write a reflection, plan Monday's chapel worship, read a chapter of a media book and send a letter to the Times. I have 2 hours. Wake me up before you go (go).

letting stuff go

I have had to let some stuff go. If I carry on doing as much, worrying about all the things I have been worried about I am going to go off pop. It has been very difficult to make decisions about what to stop doing, what not to take on and which of the things I am doing to be able to sink my energies into. This year I have to get on with my academic work in order for it to emerge as a reasonable portfolio of work, I must do some more practical and pastoral theology and spend time in a parish (not just going to church but actually spending time seeing how it all ticks over week-by-week). I also have to do more preaching - no matter how I feel about this it is something that has to be done (I am not sure about why the traditional preaching format still exists, who is it serving, who is actually listening and it is the best way to communicate the Gospel? Hey ho). I also have to fit in the last bits of the PhD discipline and prepare for going back to Liverpool. So, how am I going to get the balance? How do I decide where I am needed? How do I get the balance of what I feel I need and what I have to do?

I guess this is what I am having to sort out just now. Some list making and praying is in order...

PJ Harvey

last night Mark and I went to see PJ Harvey at Colston Hall. Sometimes you need to go and see someone perform who is confident in their creativity. It reminds you how confining culture might be if we all saw things in the same way. PJ Harvey has this ability to shift into the character of her songs and become the subject as well as the object. Being alone on stage she is so small and last night she wore a Chekhovian black dress - as if she was 'in mourning for her life' (see Chekhov - The Seagull). She was able to effortlessly shift from Polly to PJ - she generously gave us insight into her humour between songs then, after being lulled into a false sense of security, plunged us into the depths of PJ's inner world. Bonkers and beautiful, exhilarating and painful.

This is Mansized (an old song)


This is the title track from her new album 'White Chalk', this version was recorded for Danish TV - she did this last night and it was haunting powerful.



and this is a review of the new album on late review - Aired 2007-09-07.

Jack Rokka Vs Betty Boo - 'Take Off'

Loving their work...

rejesus

I have just heard that rejesus won 'Most Successful Evangelistic Blog or Site' award at the Christian blog awards last night. Which is a wonderful affirmation of the work the site is doing. So, thanks to Bruce and Karen for making the blog project possible and the other contributors - Poppy, Vicky, Matt (and me) for keeping it going. Congrats to Dave Walker at the cartoon church for winning the 'Best Creative Christian blog or website' category and to Stop the Traffik for 'Best Christian Social Action website' and all the other winners.

I went out last night - it was Michelle's birthday - and had a great time. Had a few too many sherbets but that's ok, though today has been a bit murky. We went over to Stroud for a children's party and to see our yurting gang. Had a great day, even with a bit of a headache. Home for a curry and Ant and Dec - which is about as complicated as it has got tonight. Early to bed will give me a good chance at being fully functioning tomorrow.

rushing into silence

I have been reading David Runcorn - Spirituality Workbook this week. It has been set as a text for the Spirituality sessions at Trinity this year. I am finding it very useful and it has got me thinking about silence. Each week, on a Wednesday, at Trinity we spend an hour in silence. The whole community is encouraged to spend this time reflecting and meditating. It is hard to stop doing what the community spends most of its time doing...that is rushing about: meeting, reading, going to lectures, debating, laughing, eating, crying, but most significantly being together. It is difficult to be physically alone at Trinity - shutting yourself off and trying to find silence is very difficult here.

You know when you can't stop laughing at something when you know you really need to get a grip, but you really can’t? Well that's what it is like to try to be in silence here...you are so carried away with being in a rush that it almost is uncontrollable, being still and quiet doesn't seem to happen easily.

So, what to do? Give up? Sit trying not to rush but then getting that uncontrollable urge and having to internally be very stern with yourself? I don't really know. At the moment I am just giving it a go. It is not the silence that is difficult it is the being still, being still and knowing God (Psalm 46:10).

it's wednesday and it feels like friday

What a week. Starting back at college has been quite full on. I remember this time last year I was doing a block week module on John's gospel and I thought my brain was going to explode. This year I am doing Church and Media and I feel like I am all wrung out. Doing radio interviews (even if they are mocks) has been a challenge, as has being focused on being back in a group. Having spent the summer working on my own and at my own pace it has all come as a bit of a shock.

Fitting into the new routine of college, meeting all the new people and being nice to people has taken it all out of me. Then last night Benny came limping in at 10.30pm having been injured - we later found out that he had been very badly bitten - but his leg was very swollen and he couldn't walk. He was in a lot of pain so I had to take him to the emergency vet...which ended up costing £250!!!! So, today I am much poorer and sleep deprived (got in 1am and then couldn't sleep).

Anyway, I think I just need to get some sleep and chill out a bit...the lack of proper holiday is now kicking in. In all the hustle and bustle it is easy to lose sight of why I am here and where God is in all this. It would be easy to see these as my issues that I need to deal with - get sorted, get over, pull myself together. But, I am learning that it is in this ordinary stuff that I need to find God and let God be.

no walking to church

I didn't walk to church - I had actually decided that it was a very good idea (thanks Dr John) - but I ended up taking Eva to circus skills in Shirehampton at 10am (the same time as church started) and Mark and I both went to church late...it being impossible to be in 2 places at once (apparently).

Eva is doing this circus day with Brownies all day today so Mark and I have had the day to ourselves. However, I am leading the Foundation little service tonight so haven't really had the day to myself. Not that this is a big issue as I have quite enjoyed messing about with film editing and choosing music. Mark is great at this sort of thing so really it has been down to him that this service has come together (I hope). I will post about the service later as I am not sure how it is going to turn out. The readings for today are quite interesting so I will see how they fit into the other stuff I have worked on.

Tomorrow is the start of term proper. I am doing a module - church and the media - which will mean I have to prepare a thought for the day and take part of a debate on the pretendy radio (though it will be recorded for inspection it will not be broadcast - you'll be glad to know).

i want to sleep for a long time

There is something dangerous about relaxing. I feel like I let my guard down. By relaxing I have let the tiredness in!!! I really couldn't wake up this morning and now we have only got one car I felt like I needed to help Mark out by getting stuff ready for him to cycle to work (he can't find things very well and he lost the bicycle pump and his keys so I had to help him find them). I needed to car to get to college and to do the shopping. After Mark had gone I fell asleep again - but properly went into a deep sleep and dreamed about oversleeping and having to go to college in my PJ's - and doing chapel in my PJ's! I really hope this doesn't happen in real life because it was very upsetting in my dream. Anyway, I get it together to get to the college welcome afternoon to meet some of the new people. I was remebering what it felt like to start at Trinity last year! Blimey a whole year ago...

Mark returned from his cycle to work quite happy and full of his triumphant ride. I might try walking to church tomorrow!!!! If you see a flying pig then you know what has happened!

rest and relaxation (well nearly)

The planned relaxation day didn't quite turn out as planned. Having gone into college to sort a couple of things out I got a phone call from Mark - his car had broken down and he needed me to sit and wait for the RAC man while he went off to work. So that is what I did - for a few hours I ended up watching the car being diagnosed and then towed away (it has now been scraped!!!)

Having accepted the inevitable I then went off to the Relaxation Centre for an afternoon of getting hot then cold, wet then dry, having a massage, a floatation and eating current buns. and very nice it was too. I can recommend it to anyone - particularly if you haven't had a summer holiday, been writing a PhD and find it hard to relax. I even fell asleep (twice). I now have prune hands and need moisturising a lot. A small price to pay.

I am trying to find a venue for my 40th birthday party which I will be sharing with Tom (from Trinity) - the date we need to have the party is 9th November - if anyone has any bright ideas for a venue in Bristol then please let me know.

big bible day completed

I had a great day meeting some new Trinity students and thinking about the bible - the whole bible, the big bible, the story, the whole story, in a day. So, now I am very very tired.

I also went to Jenny Low's licensing at St Peter's Lawrence Western (not just to see my flower arrangements in action). It really was very moving to be part of a new beginning in someone's ministry and the lives of the people of that church. I have a real longing for that community and I have no idea where that has come from. I suspect it has come from the people I have met - their love for the place, their love for the church and their sense of longing for the touch of revival. Revival of what I am not sure quite yet. It can't ever be like it was when they first moved there - 20, 30 even 40 years ago (some have been there even longer than that). I don't know what it will mean but it was a privilege to be there to see it start.

Tomorrow I am off to a spar and relaxation for the day!! My 'you've done a draft of your PhD so have a treat' treat. Now I concerned about nakedness...hey ho.

big bible day

Tomorrow is big bible day at Trinity (it appears that we will be covering the bible in a day - I mights be a bit tired tomorrow night) and it is too tempting - I have to reprise 'I Like Big Bibles'. The last time I posted this was November last year...blimey. Seems like just yesterday. Which reminds me that I missed this blog's birthday - which was on 5th Sept!

Anyway, this is a classic and well worth seeing again.

flowers

I got up early this morning to to stuff. I had to be at St Peter's church Lawrence Western to do some flower arranging after the Wednesday morning communion so I decided to go to that first. I got there very early so went for a cup of tea in a cafe that had a big sign above the door that said - 'Dysons - British and Proud of it!'. I wanted to know why the owner felt so strongly about his national identity that he decided to call his shop this. So I had a cup of tea and a chat. Now what went on between me and the shop owner will remain between the two of us but suffice to say debate raged for most of the morning about the pros and cons of making such identity statements. I spoke to the ladies who were doing the flowers about it, the people at the community centre joined in and the vicar had a very clear perspective.

I have been reading quite a lot about identity, nationhood and faith recently and am very interested to hear about how people articulate this particularly in terms of their theology. Many of the people I spoke to today about the shop made very close links between what they believed, their sense of nationhood and how they related to God. For good or bad these things seem inextricably linked in many peoples lives. What I think about that shop sign is not really important (though I am not afraid to say it does make me feel a little uncomfortable particularly as there is a Chinese chip shop next door and a Polish baker a few doors further down. I wonder how they feel about it?). Though I have enjoyed hearing people's stories - I learnt a lot about the area, their experienced of the war and aftermath, how the community has changed.

I spent the morning doing a number of flower arrangements - I was trusted with a big display which I think was ok - I will see tomorrow when I go back for the service because I am sure it will have been altered if it was a real mess. I also did a couple of vases and a small display. I enjoyed the time we spent together and appreciated their honesty.

I had lunch with Elise which was great though I still feel quite sicky. I can't seem to settle my stomach. I have to go to PCWorld in a moment (Oh joy!) then I think I might have an early night. I have a big day tomorrow as Trinity are organising a Big Bible day (a chance to consider the whole bible) so I think I might be busy!!!

new day

I am burning a draft of my PhD for my supervisor! I can't actually believe that I have done this - the summer project was to write my PhD and I have done it! I know I have been a bit moany about it and even if this draft needs to be changed (which I am fully expecting) I have actually done what I set out to do.

Despite the slog and being trapped in a small room with a laptop the summer hasn't been without its adventures, in fact I think I have had a great time:
- There was the yurting adventure
- Getting a curacy adventure to Liverpool
- The Greenbelt Adventure
and lots of mini adventures:
- Phil J coming to stay
- The Norfolk's visit
- Elise's birthday
- BBQ's
- days out
- visiting Eleanor and Matthew

But, all good things must come to an end and it feels liek the holidays are coming to an end.

Anyway, I must go and post the PhD draft to my supervisor and have my hair cut!

foundation little service

Becky and Marc did a great little service last night - 'a new commandment'. They played this dan le sac vs scroobius pip video - which I couldn't upload properly on the Foundation website (technical hitch I am trying to iron out). So I will post it here.



Had a really interesting conversation with Maggie about people being judged by what they do and not who they are. We decided our new commandment would be:
'respect difference - don't judge it!'

what would yours be?

weekend

We have had a busy weekend. Yesterday was this years English Heritage Open Day
so we went to Arnos Vale Cemeterywhich was being opened by the Friends of Arnos Vale
who has organised guided tours, tea, cake and parking. It is a fascinating place, you really get a feel for how the Victorians 'did death'.


This picture can be found on the Friends of Arnos Vale Cemetery website - they were part of the campaign to save the cemetery from re-developers.

Joe and Harriet came over and we had a great evening with them - though Joe was a little hungover. We haven't seen Elise since Thursday, which is a bit sad. I guess she has new friends now and we are just too boring. At least she has settled in and has got a social life sorted. Just a shame that we don't see her very much any more.

Today Mark ran the Bristol Half marathon. I am so proud of him. I saw him cross the finish line and a little tear came out. I am made up that he has achieved this. He is very pleased with himself. He can hardly walk but he is like the cat that got the cream.

A great deal of pirating activity has been happening on this blog in the last week. I suspect it is some sort of avoidance behaviour - I have had a tricky summer with so many things happening and so much work to get done. I think I have been avoiding thinking about the impact of all that has happened. Today I got a bit of space to reflect on it and I think I need a bit more time on it. Even though I have had a few great adventures I am feeling a bit isolated, a bit 'in my head' and quite exhausted. As the last week of the holidays approaches I realise I have not had a real break from my PhD or Bristol, neither have I had time to properly reflect on all that has gone on this summer. Not that all these things have been difficult it is just that they have been quite full on and I think they need a bit of digestion:
- The time spent in hospital and the subsequent recovery
- Not getting to do my church placement (so still having that to do)
- Getting my curacy sorted
- Eva being away such a lot and my Mum not being well
- Greenbelt
- Elise coming to live with us
- Writing a PhD
- thinking about moving back to Liverpool and leaving the things that I have been part of in Bristol behind (Foundation, Eva's school, Trinity, this house, friends, the culture here, etc) . Unlike our move here I don't think I will be back to live Bristol so it is important to make the most of the time left here.

When see it all written down here I realise why I am so knackered. If I don't porcess my feelings about things I just get all blocked up. I do have some more work to do but I think I need to chill a bit more next week. Not take so much on and let myself off the hook when I 'can't be bothered'. When I have processed all this I will feel like Mark feels having run the marathon!!!!

pirate #3

It has been a bit of a sea worthy week (apart from the drowning incident). Thanks to John H I now have a pirate name.

My pirate name is:

Dread Pirate Bonney

Like the famous Dread Pirate Roberts, you have a keen head for how to make a profit. You can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirate's life is far from full of certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

Not doing much today. Just bits and bobs.

not emerging, drowning

I have tried to come up for air
but it feels like someone has their foot on my head.
I keep gasping and waving but I think I am going under again.
If I swim like this --- I seem to keep afloat, but it is painful and not my stroke.
If I swim like this --- the foot goes back on again and I go under.

I am not emerging,
I am struggling.
I think I am drowning.

I am sitting in a pew with a sore bum.
I am trying to play nicely with boys.
I am trying to learn how to turn the machine on.
I am whispering into a yellow flower on a sandy beach.
I am not thin or pretty.
I am not softly spoken.
I am not very meek or mild.

I can see legs under the water.
They are kicking and kicking and not getting anywhere.
I wonder if I swim closer we could try and go up for air together?

wholly trinity

Yesterday Liz H and I had a go at out first edition of wholly trinity - the Trinity College student rag. I obviously don't want to give too much away but I can say Liz and I had a great day and, thanks to Becky Andrea and Richard C, we have some interesting content. Liz H and I also did morning prayer together, which I have written about on the re:jesus blog.
Today I am going to spend some time doing some more PhD editing. I have a draft, which Liz H helped me to format yesterday (her reward was a fab lunch on Gloucester Road). So I just need to do some editing and then I want to get it off to Sara for inspection.

last orders

I am trying to get the most out of what is left of the summer holidays...it is slipping away like an over excited eel. I will spend today prodding my PhD, tomorrow I am visiting Liz H to have ago at puling together an edition of Wholly Trinity - my new college job is co-editing (Liz is, I am grateful to say, is the other editor and I have roped in a number of 'hacks' to provide copy). I have been too busy to do much about it but we feel reasonably confident that we can pull something together.

I would quite like to go away to chill out before I go back to college...I was thinking something meditative but then thought a spar day might be good (you get to chill out, meditate and get away but has the added advantage of getting hot and cold, wet and dry etc etc. You also get to wear a fluffy white dressing gown. I could do with some advice about spars and short books to read at spars.





Eva has gone back to school today (slight hiccup yesterday - the school website said it started yesterday but when Mark and Eva got there the school was shut!). I ended up taking Eva to the SS Great Britain and on a ferry trip. We had a great time. If you haven't been to see the SS Great Britain you really must. It is a great exhibition. I got a pirate scarf, Eva got a ship in a bottle (which she managed to smash on the cafe floor! But they gave her another one because she looked to gutted...).

pirate #2

Thanks to John H I have been reminded that September 19th (every year)
is International Talk Like A Pirate Day. My facebook pirate friends told me about it but I had forgotten.



If you need some of advice about how to talk like a pirate, then these are the guys to ask:

pirate

I am enjoying playing pirates on facebook too much. I have had to have a few days off just to make my finger feel a bit better - it was sore from all the travelling. Today I won a monkey and a ham - which as yet I have found no purpose. Not that there is any purpose to pirates on facebook. I wonder why I engage in purposeless games such as these. I am sure it is some personality weakness.

Today I have also achieved a few other things (which have far more meaning and purpose):
-I went to Lawrence Western church today - where I am hoping to be able to do my placement sometime next year. I was welcomed heartily and felt very comfortable there so I hope it all works out.
- I cleaned the inside of my car - yack. I can see why people spend good money on valet services. My back was killing me.
- I made some cakes to take to the One25
- I made a pea rissoto
- I watched High School Musical (I know it is happening a lot but Eva goes back to school tomorrow and I promised to go over the songs with her again)

Shortly I am off to Foundation...

st claire of toxteth - text

I have been feeling quite odd this week. The usual insecurities rear their ugly head every so often but when you are feeling a bit under the weather they can be quite disarming. Anyway, I got a text from Claire - Claire's texts are always interesting - she is in Turkey and has lost her bible, she asked me to send her the text for
Phillipians 4: 4-7.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

She thought it was a passage that she needed to read but it was a passage that perhaps I needed to read too?! I have been so caught up in my PhD and in survival mode that I have forgotten to rejoice in the Lord (I am not counting my S Club worship here). So, that is what I am going to do...with the aid of some pop music I am going to give rejoicing a go!